I fear most the malevolent specters that dictate my conduct. The words to which I have taken recourse during preceding years in order to banish the darkness that now engulfs me no longer hold the key to my salvation, and in consequence, I feel lost and alone; the one thing for which I have exhibited at least a scintilla of aptitude now has forsaken me, and I know not how to proceed.
Thank you for the word of the day, scintilla.
Scintilla: “a tiny trace or spark of a specified quality or feeling.”
So, you feel alone because the ghosts of your past keep you trapped in distant memories. Join the club. Seriously.
I suggest that you make friends with people who have similar sensibilities to you.
Be friends with people who make you laugh. Life and terrible things are constantly happening, so be around someone who understands the pain but will have a good sense of humor about it.
or in death,
a good laugh
is a necessity.
But, don’t put too much pressure on yourself. Sometimes life is about how well you handle the negative feelings and confusion of being alive. I think we go through our whole life feeling lost and it’s about accepting it.
Just breathe and know that it’s going to be okay. One day at a time. Nobody is asking for more.
I can't drown my demons. My demons drown me.
I know how you feel, and I suggest that you become friends with your demons; it’s easier to deal with them that way.
If I ceased
all of this consumption
and forced myself
to escape from this
if I became
the companion of
lonely weeping willows,
the observer of quiet rivers,
and an admirer
of everything that’s made
out of this earth;
if I transformed
- can you become one with the world? - j.b.
into the peaceful
offspring of Mother Nature,
will I be attuned with
the Universe and
a friend God?
To the 17-yo lonely drinker (if I may), you might be missing a hug, a pat on the back, a "nice job". Or perhaps, validation. Which is the one I'd jump at, because your whole life people have convinced you that you're normal, that there's no weigh bearing on your shoulders because you have the "perfect" life, but what if there is? Of course there is!
I think they’re trying to say,
even if you have a normal life, there is still a dissatisfaction to being alive. Maybe it’s because we are all aware of our own mortality (time’s running out) and it’s really difficult to deal with it.
So, it’s okay to feel like life sucks; whether you’re a millionaire or living in a box. I mean, look at Bruce Jenner. He was a gold medal athlete and now everyone thinks that he’s becoming a woman.
And it’s all about perspective too, while trying to appreciate what we have. But appreciating our life is hard because we live in a society that glorifies material wealth, so we are constantly being told that we need more electronics, more food, more shit.
My advice is to find a reason that makes it easier to deal with the terrible emptiness of life. Ugh that sounds terrible and bleak.
Let me leave you all with a fun old story about Chico Marx.
The young film ingenue, Tallulah Bankhead was fresh on the scene and was being given a coming out party in New York to intoduce her to industry types and the like. Chico was invited, but was told by the Marx Brothers’ manager that she was a delicate, very classy southern belle and urged him to be on his best behavior around her. Chico basically said, “Yeah, yeah, don’t worry about it.”
On the night of the party, he introduced himself to her, and Tallulah, excited to meet one of the Marx Brothers, who were huge stars at the time, was very gracious, charming and demure. Chico spent the next few minutes chatting her up, remarking occasionally on the young starlet’s remarkable beauty, with each comment more forward than the last, until finally he became bold enough to simply tell her, “Y’know, I’d really like to fuck you.” Miss Bankhead, laughing and batting her eyelashes, said, “And so you shall, you dear old-fashioned boy!”
I'm scared that I'm going downhill, I'm 17 and I drink alone, my childhood wasn't disturbed or traumatic yet I enjoy the smoking and the drinking. I feel selfish, guilty even because I've had a fairly privileged upbringing, my parents aren't divorced and there's no history of mental illness yet I feel wrong, like I don't belong in this entire family, I've handled depression and self harm in the past without telling anyone, is this smoking and drinking just a continuation of the self harm?
I think nobody feels like they belong with their family.
Think about it. Two strangers, who have been alive for decades, own you. It can literally go anywhere from there. Good luck to all the babies born today.
I think you’re self-medicating because you feel lost, depressed, or trying to fill some kind of emptiness. You should see how everything that you’re doing is affecting your life. You could try to be honest with your family? Or someone close that you trust? Sometimes you need to know that you have the support of someone you love.
Think about your life and what choices you’re making. Is it making you happy or leading you there?
Let me know.
"the world from a far" reminds me of a mixture of the crunch and darkness by Bukowski. Take that as a compliment.
Thank you, I was reading a Bukowski book, love is a dog from hell, and something made me remember that poem, The Crunch. And I thought it would work with something I had written on my draft folder— about celebrities bleaching their assholes, while poor people are being killed every day.
The rich are not good to the rich
The poor are not good to the poor
it was a tip of the hat to Bukowski because it inspired me to finish a poem. I have 107 drafts that I don’t know how to finish.
I recommend reading a lot and listening to music when you can’t finish something. The universe always lays out a path for you if you search for what you want.
And thank you, I’ll take is as a compliment and an elixir of youth— I hope it works.
Can you tell me how to get to Neverland?
Make a quick right on Infinity Blvd. it might take you a while but you’ll get there.
I also heard this guy, named Peter, can get you there pretty quickly. It might cost you, but he’s pretty flexible.
if you were to design a logo of your self what would it be?
- an odd love poem - j.b.
I’ve never thought about it.
life moves on
and you get
to the finish line
one way or another.
A gluten free life,
or a New York slice
how we love
wash it down
and go through
and doing cleanses,
nitpicking trivial things —
Our culture is fragmented
and falling apart;
while celebrities are bleaching
inside a Beverly Hills office,
the young are dying in the street
and then thrown out,
like rotten fruit
at the market,
in drug infested projects.
We are still
to each other
and it brings sadness
to my unresponsive heart.
I try to give,
even when I have nothing,
I smile, even when the muscles
in my mouth won’t respond,
and I dream even when sleep escapes me.
But when will it be enough?
- the world from afar - j.b.
How long can we carry on like this?
There is too much blood in our history books
too much greed for things that glow
too much ego overshadowing love
too much inequality for what’s inferior;
please let me know when we open our hearts
and become good, true, and angelic.